Glad GQ is Sounding the Bell

Porn is harmful?  Well, no kidding.  Glad to see GQ Magazine waking up to the issue.  Hopefully more of mainstream media will follow its lead.

Here is GQ’s titled 10 Reasons Why You Should Quit Watching Porn

http://www.gq.com/blogs/the-feed/2013/11/10-reasons-why-you-should-quit-watching-porn.html

Warning: More likely than not, the webpage will feature picture ads that are sensual and provocative.  So be careful and if it is a trigger for you, avoid the site altogether and read these article instead:

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/gq-magazine-tells-men-quit-watching-porn-before-it-ruins-your-sex-life

Other links worth reading:

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/disease-pain-and-heartbreak-ex-porn-star-spoils-fantasy-with-reality-on-dat

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/army-air-force-to-stop-selling-adult-magazines

Another good site I came across:

http://www.nofap.org/forum/forum.php “NoFap hosts challenges in which participants abstain from pornography and/or masturbation for a period of time.”

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All the Bull

It’s telling me that I will fail.

  • Fail at my job, because I will constantly lust at the women around me.
  • Fail as a husband, because I will betray her forever with my thought life and porn addiction.
  • Fail as a father, since I will create a broken home and serve as a negative role model.
  • Fail as a Christian leader, because I will eventually bring shame upon myself to the extent that it will shatter my witness to pieces.

The solution:

  1. Just take a job where there is no chance of encountering pretty women.  Work alone.
  2. Forgo marriage.Save your woman the trouble.
  3. Don’t have children for the same reasons.
  4. Don’t take any position of prominent Christian witness.  Don’t get too involved.  Avoid becoming “the face” or a “major player” in a Christian or community ministry.  In the end, you don’t want to crash down hard once your lust is laid out in the open.

All these thoughts seem sensible in many ways, and that’s his trick.  The devil knows how to sow his lies, as he has honed his craft from the time of Eden.  But, in hindsight, the thoughts that he places in my mind boil down to one thing: Lust 1, Uriah 0.  And so I say…

No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will fight!  As God is my witness I will fight, even now at this very  moment when I am in the throes of lusting to see sexual images.

I will fight!  Yes, I will, but I need to do so wisely, not blindly.  I need God, my friends, my loved ones, and my accountability for wisdom.  I must know when to fight back and when to pull back and restrategize.

I humbly ask for prayers.

And fight on my brothers and sisters!

Bear the Bear

I really like the bear analogy  when thinking about lust.  Right now I am starving my lust by avoiding porn or masturbation for the past several weeks.  Feeling starved, the bear is now extremely hungry, and when it is hungry it definitely rages through the woods.  The bear is big and strong, having fed it well with lots of pornography, masturbation, sexual fantasies, and women gazing for many, many years.  What I find interesting is that when I try to starve the beast, it is able to hibernate in the sense that I can go several weeks, if not months, with lust-free purity without having any cravings to act out or commit sexual impurity.  I avoid my triggers and the bear remains still.  It does not rattle the cage.

There comes a point, though, when the bear wakes up, and it wants its Big Mac with fries, biggie sized.  With no food insight, it gets angry and begins to forage the forest.  In my case, this started when I had a very vivid dream (or nightmare, I should say) in which I was having sex with some anonymous woman.  (And of course, since all this mess is about objectification, I remember her beautiful body well but have no idea of what her face looked like, let alone who she was a person).

Fortunately, I did not wake up with the desire to masturbate or watch porn.  However, the bear is still strong and determined.  It has been turning every stone in my mind, and I have been reminiscing about women that I have seen online, and I have lusted, fantasized, and even had sex with them in my mind.  This has not translated into masturbation or pornography, but the walls of resistance are growing weaker.  With every lustful thought that I entertain in my mind, I give a morsel of sustenance to the hungry bear.  It is not the three-course meal that it is seeking, but it is enough food to keep it alive.

The takeaway here is that the bear can hibernate.  You can go for long periods of purity and feel that you have turned the corner.  Yet once the bear finally wakes up from its slumber, it is a whole other story.  At that point it becomes a battle to not let it get a hold of any scraps of food, not even the tiniest thing.  On this stage one has to starve the beast, and it will use all the strength that it has harnessed through the years to fight back and scour the forest.

The bear is essentially our brain’s chemical desire for arousal.  But in our lustful minds it has grown into an enormous drive that needs to be fed frequently, and in extreme amounts that only pornography and sexual fantasy can provide.  I pray that I and all of you brothers can starve the bear by making a covenant not only with our eyes but also with our minds.  The challenge is to immediately slam the door at a lustful thought the moment it starts to surface.  But let’s not kid ourselves.  Hardly anyone can do it on his own.  Accountability is key, and this is what so far has kept me from giving in.  But I’m still feeding the bear.  I’ve been sinning with my mind, and I must admit that I worry.  Let us pray that you and I can built this healthy habit of shutting down any lustful thought and living a life that gives the bear not even a whiff of food nearby.  Let us starve this awful beast once and for all.

Battling

My lust is raging within me.

Stress, one of my strongest triggers, is in full swing.

I have been lusting with my mind, fantasizing about beautiful women that I saw long ago on the internet as a way to cope.  Even though I am thankful that this has not translated to masturbating or watching porn, I know that I am in the hot seat.  Playing with fire gets you burned and with each passing thought steeped in lust my walls begin to crumble, and my defenses begin to weaken.

And so I pray and hope that I can turn the corner this time.  I must leave fantasy.  I must face the music, and cope with life’s ordeals by facing them full on, and leaning on God to cope.  The key, of course, is to put these words into action.  I’m stepping up to the plate.  I don’t want to strike out.  Here we go.

I’m Back

Approximately five months have gone by since my last post.  Back then I was striving to reach six weeks of purity.  And then…

I fell short.

Unfortunately, I fell into the mud of lust and porn.  I went back to the yo-yo of good days and bad days.  I told myself that there is no need to worry much.  I’m not doing so bad.  But, of course, I was lying to myself.  For I was scared.  I was in fear.  The truth is there.

I failed.

I hurt people on the process.  I visibly witnessed the pain that I was causing others due to my porn viewing.

That made me feel hurt even more.  It was rock bottom.

So what’s next?  Well, I still want to be like Uriah, and I still believe that I can be on the winning side with God’s strength, wisdom and guidance.  His love is bottomless, and I feel reinvigorated with the courage to win the battle of purity.  I know this is a lifelong battle, but I also know that I can rule over my lust rather than the other way around.

Tomorrow I’ll be in my fifth week of purity.  I am going to group.  I have an accountability partner.  I am leaning on God rather than on my own devices.  With God, my brothers in the faith, and my loved ones on my side, I have hope.

I won’t fear.

Ironman 3 Ratings

I really like the Iron Man movies, but I decided to give away my Iron Man 1 DVD, because I felt convicted by it.  Though as a PG-13 movie it has nothing explicit, the Iron Man character is in a scene where he throws a party in his private jet where sexy flight attendants are dancing by a stripper pole.  Another scene depicts him as a philanderer who has sex with a reporter he just met.  Iron Man 2 also has scenes that even though are not explicit, convey the idea that skirt-chasing and looking at scantly clad women is fun and leads to no serious consequences.  In other words, it implicitly says “well, if you are a young millionaire, why not be a millionaire playboy?”

With all that said, I would like to see Iron Man 3, but I want to make sure that it does not contains any scenes that I would deem improper, especially due to my desire to avoid any sexual triggers.

I go to the official movie rating site, which tells me the following information:
RATING:PG-13
REASON: Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense sci-fi action and violence throughout, and brief suggestive content.
“Brief suggestive content?”  So what’s that?  In what way?  What makes it suggestive?  I’m left with more questions than answers.  smh

So Close, So Close

Day 37,

Just wanted to share that Day 35 and 36 have been the hardest for me.  With more than a month of purity, my sexual drive was running very high.  I was succumbing to temptation, and was close to failing.  The desire to look at provocative material online was tremendous, but I didn’t thanks to God’s mercy.  Yet I was so close, as close I’ve ever been during this journey that started 37 days ago.  It just comes to show how any random day can become the hardest you’ve ever faced.  I assessed the factors that weakened my resolve (skipped Bible reading, saw a PG-13 yet questionable movie, hadn’t slept much, felt tired, hungry, etc), so I can avoid these snares in the future.

Thank you Lord for giving me strength to push forward in this battle.